Parents have an extra challenge during holiday parties because they must manage their children. At every party, there is lots of sugar, stimulation, and gifts. While these are fun for a short time, it doesn’t take long before your overwhelmed and overstimulated child may start to have a meltdown.
Although child meltdowns at parties are common, they don’t have to be inevitable. Here are some ways to help avoid child meltdowns at holiday parties.
Set Expectations Before the Party
Parents must remember that children don’t have a paradigm for parties. There is suddenly a lot of noise, strange people, good things to eat, and unfamiliar places, and children don’t know what to do. Part of a child’s meltdown may come from uncertainty, and the meltdown is their only way to communicate that they are uncomfortable.
Many meltdowns can be prevented by talking about the party plans with your child. Tell them who will be there, what games they will do, what food they can eat, when you will leave, and other basic details. If appropriate, set boundaries that might avoid a meltdown, like eating only two desserts or playing only one video game.
Dress your child comfortably for the party. If possible, dress your child in layers, since parties with lots of people tend to get warm and your child might want to take off that cute holiday sweater to cool down. Bring winter gear to play outside and leave it in the car. Then your child can join other kids outside without borrowing the hosts’ clothes.
If you’re attending a party without children or in a space not designed for children (like a work party), then you should bring along some of your child’s favorite books or toys to keep them busy. A tablet is another option, but should be used strategically, as removing the tablet could result in a meltdown
Feeding your children a meal before attending the party is another excellent party hack, especially for picky eaters. By feeding your child beforehand, you won’t be at the mercy of when the host serves food or what the host provides. Your child’s belly will already be full, and they won’t be begging for every snack or dessert they see.
Help Your Child At the Party
On your drive to the party, have a cheerful pep talk about your expectations. Try to keep your language positive; avoid “don’t” statements and instead encourage the behavior you want. For example, instead of “Don’t eat tons of dessert!” say something like “Look carefully and choose the yummiest dessert you want to try.” This lets your child know in a positive way the one thing you want them to do instead of the dozens of things you don’t want them to do.
Upon arriving at the party, set your child up with appropriate activities or children. Let your child know where you’ll be so they feel safe in this new space. It may be helpful to give a timeline, such as “Play here for 15 minutes and then I’ll let you choose some food to eat” so your child knows what to expect.
As tempting as it might be, don’t check out once you’re at the party. You should watch for cues that your child is getting irritable, restless, or tired. If you see these cues, step in before the meltdown erupts! Bring your child to a quiet place and let them decompress by reading books or playing by themselves.
Although letting your child decompress in a quiet place usually prevents a meltdown, you need to stay flexible and do what’s best for your child. You might have to make an early exit before a full meltdown happens. This might be disappointing, but it avoids embarrassing yourself or your child.
Debrief After the Party
Your child may be overwhelmed and overstimulated after a party. The sugar, lights, and excitement can make it hard to unwind. Plan time to calm down by reading, taking a bath, or going on a quiet walk. Talk about the fun you had and memories you made together.
If your child still struggled at the party, it’s imperative to not be harsh with them as you discuss what happened. Holiday memories are especially vivid, and you want your child to think of their childhood Christmases with fondness and not bitterness towards you. You can discuss needed improvement positively and cherish the happy memories you made together before a meltdown.