Most people think the Terrible Two’s is the most challenging years of child-rearing because they want to assert their independence, even if their choices aren’t what’s best for them. When a parent tells them “no,” a meltdown is likely to ensue.
But any parent with older children can attest that meltdowns don’t stop once the toddler turns three–or even older! The meltdowns evolve as the child grows, even if they’re not rolling around on the floor.
Meltdowns are something every parent has to deal with. Here are some tips that will help you handle meltdowns, no matter the age.
Stay Calm and Composed
First and foremost, you must stay calm because children mirror what you model. If you are yelling, angry, or asserting your dominance, the child sees nothing wrong with acting this way, as well.
Try to have a whole-body calmness when dealing with a meltdown. Your face should be relaxed and voice calming and understanding, and your body language should be calming. When your child sees that you’re not angry at their tantrum, they will calm down much faster.
Stick With Your Discipline Methods
Consistency is crucial for a child’s development, and this includes discipline. There are dozens of discipline methods for meltdowns, and it’s the parent’s responsibility to explore which method best fits your child’s needs. But once you choose, it’s essential to stick with it, even when times get tough!
When a child never knows the repercussions of their behavior, there’s less incentive to respond maturely. But when a child knows that their meltdown will result in a consistent outcome, they are motivated to listen to your instruction on calming down.
Of course, there will be times when it’s hard or inconvenient to discipline consistently. But your child is counting on you to be consistent no matter what, and for the good of your child, follow through with your commitment.
Reward the Behavior You Want
Good parenting is a balance of consequences and rewards. Make your parenting job ten times easier by not just punishing the bad, but rewarding the good. You give a disincentive to throwing a fit (like losing tablet time) and give an incentive to complete the task right away (like five extra minutes of tablet time).
While rewarding good behavior is important, parents should proceed with caution. Children shouldn’t need a treat or reward for doing as you ask. This can easily slip into bribery, and as your child gets older, simple joys like a sticker or a popsicle won’t cut it.
Don’t underestimate the power of showing pleasure towards your child when they obey! Children want to please their parents, and they will feel aptly rewarded when you show your genuine enthusiasm. Consider how these statements would motivate your child:
- “That was so fast!”
- “Thank you, that was such a big help to me!”
- “I’m so proud of you for doing what we talked about”
Try one of these or tailor them to your child’s specific needs and watch their eyes sparkle. You will feel a spark of joy in your heart, too.
Give Reasonable Choices
Sometimes meltdowns occur because a child feels trapped into only one option. If the situation allows (but before a meltdown occurs), give your child two or three choices. Letting your child choose can eliminate a meltdown altogether.
Bonus tip: Your child is most likely to choose the last option you give them because that’s the one they remember. You can still gently steer your child towards your choice, but they feel in control.
Talk About Next Time
You can do everything right: stay calm, use positive rewards, be consistent in discipline, and give appropriate choices. Inevitably, your child will still have some meltdowns. Part of this is just human nature, and part of it is developmental. Children still have to learn how to overcome meltdowns, so don’t be discouraged if meltdowns still occur.
Once your child has calmed down and can understand you, it’s essential to talk about how to make better choices next time.
Review the situation together, gently showing how their choices led to the consequences of their actions. Then explain what would have been an appropriate response and encourage them to make better choices. Of course, it’s always good to remind them that you love them.
For a Better Tomorrow, Take Initiative Today
It’s essential to take charge of meltdowns today.
Because toddlers and three-year-olds are so little and have darling voices, sometimes adults call their tantrums cute or funny. But ignoring these meltdowns now will only cause heartache, frustration, and extra work later. Your future self (and your future child!) thanks you for dealing with meltdowns now.
If your child is pre-K, kindergarten, or older, and is still experiencing meltdowns, the exhortation is the same! Don’t hesitate to assemble a game plan for handling meltdowns. The only difference between younger and older kids is you can talk through these meltdowns in more depth (what triggered it, how they felt, what kept them from making good choices, what to do next time, etc).
And remember, consistency is key!
Growing Self-Control at Crestwood Preschool Academy
At Crestwood Preschool Academy, we know that meltdowns happen, but we seek to help children overcome meltdowns. Our teachers are trained to be kind and compassionate with children having meltdowns and how to respond appropriately in a classroom setting. We also seek to work alongside parents, supporting your measures at home, and we rejoice with you when children gradually overcome their meltdowns.