Let’s face it: life is hard for everyone! Countless pressures can at times feel overwhelming to adults and children alike.
While we tend to attribute challenges and difficulties to adulthood, this doesn’t mean children don’t experience their own struggles and challenges on a daily basis. Even in the most idyllic childhood, every child will experience fears, frustrations, and disappointments; these are inescapable.
When life’s challenges feel overwhelming, one thing can make a world of difference to a discouraged soul:
Encouragement!
What’s So Special About Encouragement?
Humans gravitate towards those who lift us up and know exactly what to say to make us feel better. Adults need these kinds of friends, but so do children! They need to hear encouragement just like adults. Our challenges may look different, but we all have a need for encouragement.
Affirmation, encouragement, or positive feedback truly motivates you to do things well–and to do even better than you were! The same goes for children. Children are deeply motivated to want affirmation from others, and encouraging desirable behavior, skills, and attitudes is the best way to have these habits stick around.
Encouragement is an excellent way to build perseverance in our children. When a task feels challenging or impossible to accomplish, encouragement helps it feel possible again. This leads to a greater chance for success, boosted self-esteem, and a sense of accomplishment.
Who Encourages Children?
But who does a child look to for encouragement? While parents and teachers should help children develop the skill of encouragement, it’s rare to find mature encouragement in a peer age group. This means children look up to adults for life-giving words.
We can all agree that whether good or bad, what our parents say to us sticks with us for a lifetime. Parents should choose their words carefully and make them count. Encouraging words are incredibly powerful.
How Does Encouragement Help Children?
Think of the peace, pleasure, and motivation after an encouraging talk with a friend, therapist, or loved one, and how your challenges seem a little smaller. Your children experience these same emotions!
The National Association for the Education of Young Children lists the areas in which a child’s demeanor changes when they have encouragement. They:
- Are usually in a positive mood
- Listen and follow directions
- Have close relationships with caregivers and peers
- Care about friends and show interest in others
- Recognize, label, and manage their own emotions
- Understand others’ emotions and show empathy
- Express wishes and preferences clearly
- Gain access to ongoing play and group activities
- Are able to play, negotiate, and compromise with others
Encouragement is one of the biggest blessings we can give our children. Not only does it build a positive relationship with them, but they’re able to experience life with greater joy and more gumption.
Tips on Giving Encouragement
Ready to give your child more encouragement? Here are some tips:
Avoid Flattery
There’s a huge difference between encouragement (Merriam-Webster: “to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope”) and flattery (Merriam-Webster: “to praise excessively”). Encouragement is beneficial, but flattery will simply give your child a big head.
Choose to inspire your child’s spirit with courage and hope instead of praising them excessively. A strong character and spirit will uphold a child when challenges come, but flattery gives a child little hope.
Make Your Compliments Count
We’ve all heard the saying that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. If you give encouragement for everything your child does, encouragement can begin to lose its meaning. While you do want to encourage your child often, you also want to make your encouragement count.
Take some time to reflect on some specific ways in which your child could benefit from encouragement. Perhaps they struggle with math, temper tantrums, picky eating, or countless other areas. Then pay particular attention to these areas and be quick to encourage, even at the slightest of improvements.
Focus on Character Qualities, Not Results
It’s easy to focus on separate actions or choices your child makes: share your toy, study hard, don’t be mean. But good choices and behavior often flow from quality character. Encouraging your child in their character development will yield lifelong benefits.
For instance, “You were so thoughtful to share your toy with your sad friend” is better than “Good job sharing.” Or, “I’m so proud of your diligence studying this week” is better than “Good job getting an ‘A’.” The first statements encourage the child to develop quality character, which will benefit them their whole life, not just for sharing toys or getting good grades.
Encourage Personal Connection
Another way to encourage a child’s character is by revealing how their actions have affected you or someone else. For instance, extend your encouragement from “Thank you for picking up your toys” to “Thank you for picking up your toys; you’ve made our house feel tidy again,” or “You’ve helped me so much by picking up your toys.”
Helping children make connections between their actions and the effect of those actions will help them make better decisions in the future. They will be more likely to be cheerful, helpful, and considerate.
At Crestwood Preschool Academy, we use the power of encouragement every day! We strive to help children grow to their fullest potential.